I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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