I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
