hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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