My first STD was from a foam party
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
