My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
