Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize