I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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