Someone shit on the floor
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
