i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
