i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
