so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
