Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
