He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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