closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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