dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
