If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
