toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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