I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
