We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
