things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
did you just send me my own nude
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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