dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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