The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
