Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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