you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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