Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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