I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
