look no pants
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
