I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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