I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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