I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
