Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
