I cannot find my penis.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
