is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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