He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if only i could text you this smell
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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