I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
