i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
