I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
COCAINE IS GR8
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
