tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
