oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
