she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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