No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
