I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
