8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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