I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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