im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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