Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
