he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
