i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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