he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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