No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize