i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
