remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
