So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
