He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
