turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
