apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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