First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We left the knife in your bed.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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