Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
