Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
