uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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