im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
