Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
