my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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