lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
