I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just pee around me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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